Entry #40 Thursday, 11/15/38 4:51am
I can’t sleep. I am so so tired, but I just can’t sleep. And I feel like I can’t stop writing. Like, does writing in this thing help me or not? What if it makes me feel worse? What if in some alternate universe I never started a journal? Would I even be ok? Or would I be better off?
But writing in a journal is actually like talking to someone for two reasons. First, it feels really good to let out your feelings at first. And secondly, you feel like complete crap when you think back on how much of your thoughts you revealed. Or maybe I’m the only one who has that feeling bec
Finally, I had turned 21. For years I had fantasized about going to bars and clubs and meeting people, even if I was really shy. Especially since I had been getting more attracted to other guys, I had wanted to go to a gay bar and meet someone.
So, when I was off school for Christmas and New Years, I went to a club for the first time. It was a gay club, too. Unfortunately, though, I went out all by myself so my anxiety immediately acted up when I saw how big the crowd was.
Great, I thought, feeling my heart beat's speed rise. But then I reminded myself, It doesn't matter how many people are in there! The point of this is to get